Thursday, September 12, 2013

Adoption without the rose colored glasses

Most of my posts revolve around our general life as an adoptive family. We have have been blessed many times over.  Our twins have completed our family and we are enjoying life as a family of six.

As many know, life as an adoptive family has some unique challenges. I thought I would write a post about some of the "not so rosy" things in our life.  

The twins have been home with us now for over 16 months.  At times, some of issues that we are still dealing with really frustrate me. I know in my mind some of these issues will resolve over time.  But sometimes progress is slow and it all seems so overwhelming. 

Emery still is not talking.  Sure she says a handful of words and can repeat a few others.  But, the fact of the matter is that she cannot talk.  On a day to day basis, this is not an issue because she has found other ways to communicate with us.  But she cannot communicate with people who do not know her. And what does her future hold if she cannot talk?  We are currently considering other speech therapy options.  Unfortunately, we are awaiting approval from our insurance company on a several issues.  It is an ongoing battle with health insurance companies when you have a child with special needs.  I can barely keep up with all the correspondence. Worrying about making the best choice for your child, on top of insurance issues, really takes a toll on you.

Blake is basically a happy, fun-loving kid.  He is also a mouthy kid.  I am just not use to dealing with such an argumentative child.  I think Blake had very little discipline in his orphanage.  This has led to challenges in family life.  He does not like to accept no for an answer and he does not like to follow
directions.  I understand he never learned about respect and it will take time to get there.  It is a
constant, ongoing issue.  By the end of the day, I am mentally exhausted.  Blake has an 8:00 bedtime
during the school year not just because he needs a solid 10 hours of sleep, but because I am in dire need of a break by then!

Both kids are behind educationally. Blake is probably 3 years behind and Emery even further. Thinking about this is so disheartening and overwhelming for me. I have decided to accept that catching up to their peers is not a realistic goal. Rather, my goal for them is continued progress in all areas. Some areas progress is slower and others it is moving along. They will eventually get where they need to be and focusing on their level of progression rather than catching up, seems to be a more feasible goal. Their education started late. All I can do is help them to reach their full potential, no matter what the pace and no matter what their age. 

Another thing that I still deal with occasionally are inconsiderate comments from others.  These comments are few and far between, but they sting just the same.  First I am shocked by them, then angry, and ultimately they just make me sad.  Now by the time a blog about them, I can at least be somewhat humorous.  Here are a few of the more recent ones and my wishful responses, just to end this post with a little sense of humor:

"you still have to deal with cleaning up poop with an 8 year old!"

Yes, occasionally my sweet, good natured daughter has a poop accident. Never mind the fact that she spent the 1st 7 years of her life in an orphanage, nobody potty trained her during that time period, and oh yes, she can't talk!  She knows when and where to go potty.  But if she is in a place where there is no bathroom around, she has not yet mastered the ability to tell me in time that she has to go.  So sorry to have inconvenienced you.  Oh wait, you weren't inconvenienced, that was me.

"is your husband in a bad mood because dealing with the 'adopted' twins is too much?"

Yes, my husband and I only ever are in a bad mood because we have adopted kids.  It must be so nice  to never be in a bad mood because you don't have adopted children.

"well, you chose to adopt kids"

Yes, we chose to adopt two kids and have two kids by birth.  I'm so sorry for joining in on the parenting conversation.  I didn't realize your kids were just left on your doorstep and you had no choice but to deal with kid issues.

Of course, in reality I would never respond this way.  But, secretly, I wish I had the nerve to!

Despite the issues, adoption is a wonderful thing.  God led us to these children.  My heart has been humbled and opened in a way I never knew it could be.  For this, I am grateful.   I will carry on my day to day life, just as every parent does.  Enjoying the good and muddling through the rest.  In the end, it is the good that counts. 

1 comment:

  1. Just saw this post, thanks for sharing and being real about your feelings. Enjoy keeping up with the twins and how you guys are doing.